I knew I absolutely had to have a Y2k9 Press Conference this morning! Microsoft is
being savaged all over the Internet and press! But I needed someone who could handle
reporters out for blood, so we flew in our Al-Jezera Press Rep Muhamed Al-Shahaf.
Dang! He's good! He said he would allow each major network only ONE question!
Here's a little bit of the transcript:
NBC: Microsoft has screwed up yet again?
Shahaf: Let me make this clear, so clear that that whore who sired you could understand!
There was and is no probleem with the
Zune! The
Zune is a miracle! A blessing straight
from the eternal temple of He who sits in the midst of the golden camels!
CBS: How do you explain Zunes all over the world all shutting down at the same time then sir?
Shahaf: Only an infidel would believe dis LIE! Yes the Zunes strategically reset themselves
and went into self-improvement mode for 24 hours! Dis was not a bug! It was a feature!
The Zunes needed a vacation! Does not the godless staff of CBS the same?
ABC: How do you explain then that initially even Mr Ballmer here apologised and said they would fix it?
Shahaf: Your tongue is not worthy to utter the name of one such as Steve Ballmer (Bless on him)!
But I shall answer dis question! You see the
Zune is the most sophisticated device ever created by man!
It was programed with sooooo very many features that even the whole of Microsoft cannot remember
them all! What other device that pretends to compete with the Zune has such a feature?
A self-improvement-vacation day mode? NONE! None I tell you! You all should bow and kiss Mr Ballmer's
naked unwashed feet and praise the fates that such a one as he even bothers to explain anyting at all to
your most unworthy selves!
PBS: Are you kidding, do you really expect us to believe any of this propaganda?
Shahaf: What I cannot believe is that the sons of weasels at PBS of all networks would have the audacity
to accuse any person of propaganda! Yes, yes I listen to that stuff you weasels sons urinate upon the
airwaves! What Microsoft say, it says! What it says is the truth and I feel privileged of the Most High to
be their new Information Officer! Shame upon you! Shame!
FOX: Uh, haven't we met before?
Shahaf: NO! I would never consort with pigs such as you-self! May all of those who question the Zune
disembowel themselves at the gates of Redmond!
At that point, every reporter went stomping out of the room incensed!
As I stood there alone with the new MSIO I was speechless for a moment, I then pulled myself together,
looked him in the eye and said excitedly, "That was amazing! Even I have never handled those sons of weasels so well!"
He stepped backwards, bowed himself before me and said, "I am thy servant oh most exalted one!"
When they rest of my staff saw my reaction they all bowed too!
I LIKE THIS GUY!
What would we do without you 
Linear Mode
